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It’s always good to get out ahead of the curve. Advanced planning can go a long way toward easing stress for both the senior and the caregiver. And, in the event of an emergency, all parties will be prepared to manage through what could be a difficult situation.
Help someone deal with emotions over moving
The decision to move — whether to an independent living community, assisted living community, or other alternate living arrangements, is only the beginning of what can be a long and challenging journey. Helping someone through this important transition takes research and planning. Here’s a 10-step guide to smoothing the way to a new home and the next phase of a loved one’s life.
1. Talk about it - and don’t forget to listen. Even though moving will often improve the quality of life, it’s also likely to stir up all kinds of emotions, and even trigger “transition trauma.” Many older adults are filled with anxiety about what a move will mean. They may see moving as a sign of defeat and a harbinger of increasing loss of control and independence.
The listening part should come first - find out as much as you can about health, needs, fears, and hopes, so you can help make the best choice possible.
After that, it’s your turn to talk. Help them understand that moving can be “just as freeing as going away to college,” The range of options has broadened tremendously and as the human lifespan gets longer and longer, a late-in-life move has come to be a rite of passage just as natural as buying a starter home. If you can help them see a move as a positive transition rather than a defeat, you’ll be off to a good start.
2. To reduce stress, hold off on selling the house if possible. Moving is hard enough without asking someone to live in a home that a realtor is showing to prospective buyers. If the assets are available to finance a move in the short run - or if you can lend the applicable deposit - move first, sell later is the way to go. If buying an apartment or condominium, a mortgage broker may be able to help her get a “bridge loan” to cover the down payment until the home is sold.
3. Plan on giving extra support after the move. A move may be the best thing, but it’s also going to be exhausting, physically and emotionally. A good assisted living community will offer plenty of support during the transition, but if you’re able to make time for extra visits in the days or weeks after the move, it will help reassure her that the most important things in life - like family and friends - aren’t going to change.
4. Consider bringing in the pros. A professional Life Care Manager can assess the level of care an older adult needs, find senior communities in your area, navigate the application process, and prepare for a move. These services can be especially useful if you don’t live in the same state as the person who’s moving and can’t be there to manage the day-to-day aspects of her transition.
5. Help get the finances in order. This is crucial in order to know what kind of care can be afforded and the plan to pay for it. Also, many continuing care retirement communities and other settings may ask for thorough documentation of income and assets in order to be sure the ability to pay for care over the long haul.
6. Get the home appraised. If the plan is to sell the home to finance a move, today’s topsy-turvy housing market makes a professional appraisal a must before assessing the financial position.
7. Talk to a doctor. Deciding what kind of community is best, is a medical decision as well as a personal one. The family physician may be able to evaluate and make a recommendation. If not, ask for a referral to a geriatrician who can do a full evaluation.
8. Shop around. In most areas of the country, there’s a wide range of options when it comes to eldercare communities. Once you’ve narrowed down the list, tour several places - with the person in your care - and make sure to take time to talk to residents, eat a meal, and really get the feel of the place before making a decision.
9. Read the fine print. Yes, those long contracts can be overwhelming, but don’t give in to the temptation to skim documents before signing. The contracts and agreements that come with moving into any kind of community may well spell out the parameters of the care that your older loved one will -, or won’t - receive for the rest of their life, so make sure you both understand exactly what you’re agreeing to before putting pen to paper.
10. Plan the move logistics carefully. Downsize and deal with belongings now to avoid moving day chaos. An estate liquidator can often help you with selling what won’t be needed, and a Life Care Manager can help with all the logistics.
This article originally appeared on Caring.com
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